Top Ten Signs Your Doctor is an Abortionist

10. Diploma on the wall is signed by Sally Struthers.

9. Videos of your exam are being sold in the parking lot.

8. You hear intercom pages for "Dr. Jack Daniels" and "Dr. Johnny Walker".

7. The guy you saw sweeping the floor is about to administer your anesthesia.

6. You have to shove the pizza boxes and ashtrays off the exam table before you can lie down.

5. Roto-Rooter is the first number on the receptionist's speed-dial.

4. You could swear you saw their security guard on "America's Most Wanted."

3. The ultrasound machine is an Etch-a-Sketch.

2. The oxygen tank is for the doctor, not for the patients.

And the number one sign your doctor is an abortionist:

1. He tells you your pregnancy test was positive, when you'd originally come in for a prostate exam.