If you'd ever ridden with her, you'd understand. With Special Guest Star!
HT: Jim Lileks
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dave Barry on the Election
Dave Barry: And the winner is . . . the man with the martini
Now go read the rest!
In a similar but sillier vein, The campaign as a RPG campaign:
So, if you're into RPGs, go read the rest. If you don't go RPGs, you won't get it.
And what if the election had taken place in World of Warcraft?
No surprise that people with nothing better to do with their time than play video games online all day went for Obama. McCain supporters have jobs.
In analyzing the results of Tuesday's historic election, the question we must ask ourselves, first and foremost, is: what the heck were the results of Tuesday's historic election?
I personally don't know. The Miami Herald made me send in this analysis before the election was actually over, so that it could be printed in a timely manner. This is part of the newspaper industry's crafty plan to defeat this ''Internet'' thing that has the youngsters so excited.
Now go read the rest!
In a similar but sillier vein, The campaign as a RPG campaign:
GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
So, if you're into RPGs, go read the rest. If you don't go RPGs, you won't get it.
And what if the election had taken place in World of Warcraft?
No surprise that people with nothing better to do with their time than play video games online all day went for Obama. McCain supporters have jobs.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Thanx! I needed that!
HT: Stop the ACLU. In a post about a proposed OBAMA NATIONAL HOLIDAY! You just can't make this shit up. Reality gets harder and harder to parody.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Obama Infomercial Poster
HT: NewsBusters
Spread the wealth of humor! Feel free to share this poster!
Obama ShamWow Soaks your Wealth and Spreads it to those who don't work enough to pay taxes!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Now THAT'S what I call Gun Control!
William Shatner's character, Denny Crane, ("Boston Legal") "helps" Barack Obama as he defends the Second Amendment:
Though the hotdogging is a bad idea. Always aim for the torso; it's almost impossible to hit a target as small as a knee or a foot unless you're a professional sharpshooter.
HT: NewsBusters
Though the hotdogging is a bad idea. Always aim for the torso; it's almost impossible to hit a target as small as a knee or a foot unless you're a professional sharpshooter.
HT: NewsBusters
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
McCain's sense of humor
Why does the embedding always get disabled on some of the coolest stuff? See and hear John McCain Sings Streisand!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Put down that drink.... Biden ... and Biden spoof
Okay, here's what Biden said about The One, and the shitstorm we can expect if he's elected.
I'll whet your whistle with this:
Biden: Obama Ready for Armageddon Showdown He Will Provoke
SEATTLE -- Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden promised a group of supporters Sunday that running mate Barack Obama "will absolutely 100% trigger a nuclear Armageddon kinda thing" within the first 20 minutes of his presidency, but added that "Barack Obama is looking forward to this apocalyptic opportunity to test his mettle, because he totally aced his LSATs."
....
"Make no mistake, it will be coming from all sides. Shpeew shpeew shpeew! buddda buddddaaa! Boossscchhhh," said Biden, pantomiming gun battles and mushroom clouds. "And there, standing in the middle of it will be Barack Obama -- cool, calm, clean, ar-ti-cu-late. And lemme tell ya, this guy smells fabulous. ....
....
Biden also warned the audience that the first days of the Obama administration would bring some inevitable disappointments.
.... "There will be a point -- maybe one week, maybe two weeks after the inauguration -- when the opinion polls will look bad. Really horribly bad. Despite our best efforts, a couple of mid-size cities will inevitably be vaporized. People will be complaining. 'Why are you nationalizing the Safeway?' 'When is Omaha going to stop glowing?' 'Why do the Chinese soldiers keep asking for my papers?' When this happens, we will need you to keep supporting us because, trust me, you really won't want to be observed not supporting us."
"But I promise you, if one of these inevitable nuclear attacks is, God forbid, successful, Barack Obama and I will conduct tough and open negotiations with our new overlords," said Biden. ....
A spokesman for the Obama-Biden campaign later clarified the Senator's remarks, and urged reporters "not to take Senator Biden's words out of context."
When asked what context that was, the spokesman explained that "the Senator has massive brain damage."
Read it all here.
HT: And Rightly So!
ADDENDA:
I think Sarah Palin nailed it:
I guess the looming crisis that most worries the Obama campaign right now is Joe Biden’s next speaking engagement.
Weeds says, '"guaranteed foreign policy crisis in the first six months" has gotta be the lamest campaign promise ever."
Saturday, October 11, 2008
From The Onion: Annual Ninja Parade - and more!
Ya gotta love it:
Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again
And can anybody translate the Japanese at the end?
And Onion videos are like Lay's potato chips, you can't eat just one. So this one's political analysis:
Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election
Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again
And can anybody translate the Japanese at the end?
And Onion videos are like Lay's potato chips, you can't eat just one. So this one's political analysis:
Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Not sure what they're getting at...
I'm not sure what they're getting at, but it's still funny:
Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
Then I couldn't resist looking at more:
Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars
Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
Then I couldn't resist looking at more:
Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Just for fun
Deliberately bad writing.
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2008 Results -- The task: The worst opening sentence to the worst imaginary book imaginable.
Runner-Up
"Die, commie pigs!" grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals. (Dave Ranson, Calgary, Alberta)
Winner: Children's Literature: Joanne watched her fellow passengers - a wizened man reading about alchemy; an oversized bearded man-child; a haunted, bespectacled young man with a scar; and a gaggle of private school children who chatted ceaselessly about Latin and flying around the hockey pitch and the two-faced teacher who they thought was a witch - there was a story here, she decided. (Tim Ellis, Haslemere, U.K.)
Runner-Up: Dorothy had reasons to be nervous: a young girl alone in a strange land, traveling with three weird, insecure males badly in need of psychiatric help; she tucked her feet under her skirt to keep the night's chill (and lewd stares) away and made sure one more time that the gun was secured in her yet-to-develop bosom. (Domingo Pestano, Alto Prado, Caracas, Venezuela)
Romance, Dishonorable Mentions: He was a dark and stormy knight, and this excited Gwendolyn, but admittedly not as much as last night when he was Antonio Banderas in drag, or the night before that when he was a French Legionnaire who blindfolded her and fed her pommes frites from his kepi. (Leslie Muir, Atlanta, GA)
Carmen's romance with Broderick had thus far been like a train ride, not the kind that slowly leaves the station, builds momentum, and then races across the countryside at breathtaking speed, but rather the one that spends all day moving freight cars around at the local steel mill. (Bruce Portzer, Seattle, WA)
Appalling puns, Dishonorable Mentions - Jan Svenson, having changed his fortune in the annual "Scandinavian King of the Beach" in Santa Cruz with a bottle of black hair coloring and thus standing out in a sea of fair-haired rivals to win the coveted title, realized the ironic truth of the old adage "That in the kingdom of the blonde, the one dyed man is king." (Matthew Chambers, Parsons, WV)
Dimwitted and flushed, Sgt. John Head was frustrated by his constipated attempts to arrest the so-called "Bathroom Burglar" until, while wiping his brow, he realized that each victim had been robbed in a men's room, thereby focusing his attention on the janitor, whose cleaning habits clearly established a commodus operandi. (Jay Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LA)
Winner: Western - Nobody knew just who the steely-eyed stranger was, where he came from, where he was headed, or what his intentions were while he was in Dodge City; but he wasn't an hombre you'd want to stick your tongue out at or flip off, and any man who tried to tickle him would be asking for a long stay in a pine box, if you know what I mean. (David McKenzie, Federal Way, WA)
Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions - She had the kind of body that made a man want to have sex with her. (Barry J. Drucker, Bentonville, AR)
There are certain people in the world who emanate an aura of well being -- they radiate sunshine, light up a room, bring out the best in others, and fill your half empty glass to overflowing - yes it was these very people thought Karl, as he sharpened his mirror-finished guthook knife, who were top of his list. (Jason Garbett, London, U.K.)
The day started out as uneventfully as any other, and continued thus to midday and from there it was nothing at all to ease into an evening of numbing, undiluted monotony that survived unmarred by even the least act of momentary peculiarity-in fact, let's skip that day altogether and start with the day after. (Jon Starr, Rumford, ME)
Earthy ochre and russet hues in the lifeless leaves which rustle under his feet, and spiral down from the majestic trees above, signal that October has now arrived, but of course he knew this already because he has a calendar above his breakfast bar in the kitchen. (Roz Black, Rhynie, Aberdeenshire, Scotland)
It was a dark and stormy night, except when the lightning flashed, because then it wasn't dark; it sort of turned the windows into a giant disco ball for a moment, but eventually the thunder and lightning stopped and it settled down to a steady light rain, so then it really was dark, but it would probably be a stretch to call it stormy. (Laura Loomis, Pittsburg, CA)
Like almost every other post-Hegelian neo-hipster angst monkey at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Rene flatly rejected the labels society placed upon him. (Bob Salsbury, Spokane Valley, WA)
Gripping his terrified victim by her sensual slender neck with his foul piercing talons like a lawnspiker, Igor the Terrible bellowed, "How do you want to die? over the coals? with a plastic bag over your head? with your blond hair seeped in red blood? in agony? today? tomorrow? -- hurry up, please, my fingers are getting sore." (Edward Vincent Tennant, Edgemead, Cape Town, South Africa)
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2008 Results -- The task: The worst opening sentence to the worst imaginary book imaginable.
Runner-Up
"Die, commie pigs!" grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals. (Dave Ranson, Calgary, Alberta)
Winner: Children's Literature: Joanne watched her fellow passengers - a wizened man reading about alchemy; an oversized bearded man-child; a haunted, bespectacled young man with a scar; and a gaggle of private school children who chatted ceaselessly about Latin and flying around the hockey pitch and the two-faced teacher who they thought was a witch - there was a story here, she decided. (Tim Ellis, Haslemere, U.K.)
Runner-Up: Dorothy had reasons to be nervous: a young girl alone in a strange land, traveling with three weird, insecure males badly in need of psychiatric help; she tucked her feet under her skirt to keep the night's chill (and lewd stares) away and made sure one more time that the gun was secured in her yet-to-develop bosom. (Domingo Pestano, Alto Prado, Caracas, Venezuela)
Romance, Dishonorable Mentions: He was a dark and stormy knight, and this excited Gwendolyn, but admittedly not as much as last night when he was Antonio Banderas in drag, or the night before that when he was a French Legionnaire who blindfolded her and fed her pommes frites from his kepi. (Leslie Muir, Atlanta, GA)
Carmen's romance with Broderick had thus far been like a train ride, not the kind that slowly leaves the station, builds momentum, and then races across the countryside at breathtaking speed, but rather the one that spends all day moving freight cars around at the local steel mill. (Bruce Portzer, Seattle, WA)
Appalling puns, Dishonorable Mentions - Jan Svenson, having changed his fortune in the annual "Scandinavian King of the Beach" in Santa Cruz with a bottle of black hair coloring and thus standing out in a sea of fair-haired rivals to win the coveted title, realized the ironic truth of the old adage "That in the kingdom of the blonde, the one dyed man is king." (Matthew Chambers, Parsons, WV)
Dimwitted and flushed, Sgt. John Head was frustrated by his constipated attempts to arrest the so-called "Bathroom Burglar" until, while wiping his brow, he realized that each victim had been robbed in a men's room, thereby focusing his attention on the janitor, whose cleaning habits clearly established a commodus operandi. (Jay Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LA)
Winner: Western - Nobody knew just who the steely-eyed stranger was, where he came from, where he was headed, or what his intentions were while he was in Dodge City; but he wasn't an hombre you'd want to stick your tongue out at or flip off, and any man who tried to tickle him would be asking for a long stay in a pine box, if you know what I mean. (David McKenzie, Federal Way, WA)
Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions - She had the kind of body that made a man want to have sex with her. (Barry J. Drucker, Bentonville, AR)
There are certain people in the world who emanate an aura of well being -- they radiate sunshine, light up a room, bring out the best in others, and fill your half empty glass to overflowing - yes it was these very people thought Karl, as he sharpened his mirror-finished guthook knife, who were top of his list. (Jason Garbett, London, U.K.)
The day started out as uneventfully as any other, and continued thus to midday and from there it was nothing at all to ease into an evening of numbing, undiluted monotony that survived unmarred by even the least act of momentary peculiarity-in fact, let's skip that day altogether and start with the day after. (Jon Starr, Rumford, ME)
Earthy ochre and russet hues in the lifeless leaves which rustle under his feet, and spiral down from the majestic trees above, signal that October has now arrived, but of course he knew this already because he has a calendar above his breakfast bar in the kitchen. (Roz Black, Rhynie, Aberdeenshire, Scotland)
It was a dark and stormy night, except when the lightning flashed, because then it wasn't dark; it sort of turned the windows into a giant disco ball for a moment, but eventually the thunder and lightning stopped and it settled down to a steady light rain, so then it really was dark, but it would probably be a stretch to call it stormy. (Laura Loomis, Pittsburg, CA)
Like almost every other post-Hegelian neo-hipster angst monkey at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Rene flatly rejected the labels society placed upon him. (Bob Salsbury, Spokane Valley, WA)
Gripping his terrified victim by her sensual slender neck with his foul piercing talons like a lawnspiker, Igor the Terrible bellowed, "How do you want to die? over the coals? with a plastic bag over your head? with your blond hair seeped in red blood? in agony? today? tomorrow? -- hurry up, please, my fingers are getting sore." (Edward Vincent Tennant, Edgemead, Cape Town, South Africa)
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
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