If you spend any time poking around the Be Not Afraid site, you'll notice a theme: Many of these women had to fight to avoid unwanted abortions. Just read what these moms had to go through:
Jaime: [Immediately after giving us the diagnosis, the] doctor had proceeded to tell us there was a room upstairs to start an induction. She never asked me or had said go home, rest, make an informed decision when you are thinking clearly. .... Being in that kind of mental state, I ended up following her upstairs. For hours all I could do was sob....
Fortunately, the doctors' attempts to abort Jaime's child was unsuccessful. Jaime went home, continued her pregnancy, and cherished the time she was able to have with her baby.
Lori: I called the [genetics counseling] office the day before the appointment to ask directions and ask what they would do for our baby. They promptly told me that they would arrange for the abortion right away. I said that I was not going to have one. ....
Two hospitals that we called would not see us, due to her condition being fatal, one of which ... told us that the baby's brain had more wrong than just hydrocephalus. .... They also refused to deliver because she was too complicated....
Our last stop and last hope ... would not deliver because she was going to die anyway. One doctor said, "She'll be nothing but a burden, a heartache, and a sorrow." ....
I told the hospital staff that they WERE going to deliver her. To help them see things my way, I [said]: "[When I go into labor] I'll show up unannounced to the E.R. Then you'll have a real mess on your hands. One, or both of us die, you get sued and end up on the news. Try me!"
This got the hospital to agree to delivery Lori's baby. The baby, Donna Joy, was not doomed, as doctors predicted. She does have health problems but is a joy to her family.
Sarah: [The doctor who did the diagnosis] told us our best option was to terminate. He said we were young; we could just start over and forget this ever happened.
We were devastated. I cried all the way home. When I arrived home, I called my doctor and told her what happened, and she said “we don’t see people like you here”. .... So I called around to different doctors and no one wanted to see me. The doctors who would see me suggested we terminate and when we refused, they suddenly didn’t have any openings. We finally got an appointment at University of Michigan Hospital, with Dr. Van De Venn. .... He suggested we terminate, but when we refused he said, "Then we will do everything we can to get him the help he needs". It was such a relief to finally find someone to help this child.
Though Sarah's baby has some health problems, he's a bubbly, happy little boy.
Michelle: That night, we were told that our baby had multiple defects. .... Most of the doctors we saw were telling us we should go for a late term abortion. They told us that with the heart defects, the baby would never sustain life. They told us that she would most likely be still born. .... They said that she would probably never take a breath, and if she did, she would be a shell of a baby. They quickly passed us on to a new set of doctors, because they felt that the risks were to high for them to continue to see me through my pregnancy, they were against carrying to term.
Michelle insisted on carrying to term, and though her baby has health problems, she is a joy to her family.
JoAnne: We left that appointment feeling so lost, and needing so many answers. We got second and third opinions, met with geneticists, obstetricians, radiologists, neonatologists, etc. Everyone told us the same thing- terminate the pregnancy. ....
We told my doctor that we would not terminate the pregnancy, and he insisted that I speak to a counselor. He gave me a phone number which I called- .... I called the number and began to tell my story to a counselor named Patty. I had no idea that Patty was a counselor for an abortion clinic. After hearing my story, she explained to me that because I was already 21 weeks pregnant, I had to make an appointment quickly-I only had up to 24 weeks to terminate. ....
We switched doctors because my original doctor was uncomfortable with my continuing the pregnancy- he felt it was too risky and would not deliver the baby. The hospital I was going to deliver at felt the same way, so at 5 months pregnant, I began searching for a new doctor and a new hospital. We were amazed at how difficult a task this was. Some doctors agreed to deliver the baby, but it was quite obvious by their comments and attitude that they felt we were wasting their time. After much searching and many consultations, we were so lucky to ... doctors who fully respected our beliefs and our desire to have this baby.
JoAnne and her family cherished the short time they were able to have with their baby.
Christine: The attending physician called us into her office and explained that from the sonogram that it looked very likely that we had a Trisomy 18 baby. She suggested we get an immediate amnio so we could "make our decision". One thing my husband and I kept repeating was that termination was not an option for us. .... The medical staff didn't understand us. The attending physician sent us to the genetic counselor that was affiliated with the hospital.
Things went from bad to worse. The counselor emphasized how horrible and fatal this condition was. We told her that termination was not an option for us. We got the response, " Are you doing this for religious reasons?" They did not know what to do with a couple who decided to continue a pregnancy like this in spite of the diagnosis. I asked her if she had any support for me. She said she would get back to me and give me the name of someone who had a child like this. I am still waiting.....
She said there was a lot of support if we terminated, she offered us nothing to continue with this pregnancy. I was shocked. The doctors and medical people at the big hospital didn't get us. My baby and I were under attack. Their goal was to have us terminate before 24 weeks. They did not give us an ounce of hope or support. We scheduled an amnio for the next day. But then we cancelled it. I never went back. The thought of going back was like going into hell.
She asked if we wanted to see a priest. .... She sent us to a priest out east from where we were. Aha! I thought, a priest will tell us what we are doing is good. All the medical people acted like we were crazy to keep our baby. My husband and I went to see this priest. Boy, were we in for a shock! He sat us down and basically told us how hard it would be to continue a pregnancy like ours. "You know you are going to get bigger and bigger each day Chris, it is going to be very hard to do this". He also said that these babies are very sick- there will be a lot of suffering. I couldn't believe my ears! I was expecting the priest to give us encouragement, support and resources on how to do this. Instead, he told us we should pray for a miscarriage and he told me how to bury my baby. We left his office without any resources, alone and helpless. ....
My OB was much different. We finally saw him a few days after the ultrasound. I did not want to be pressured any more. MY OB respected my decision to continue the pregnancy and said that he would support us. ....
In order to do all this I needed support. I did not get any resources from the medical community, nor did I get it from the church. Instead, soon after the diagnosis, I contacted a group called the Sisters of Life. They connected me to a group in Canada called Morning Light Ministry. I got spiritual and practical guidance from Morning Light Ministry to carry Grace to term. I had to hunt for and research these groups on my own. I really would have appreciated getting this either from the genetics counselors or the priests I talked to in the first days.
Christine and her family had two precious months with their beautiful daughter.
Stephanie: This woman began to explain all of the blood testing that was done and explain the defects they had believed they found to be wrong with our baby. After about an hour of explanations she asked us what our plans were for this baby. I was a little confused on what she meant about plans. So, I asked her. she told me that she recommended we terminate the pregnancy and before we knew it I could be pregnant again with a healthy baby. She even went so far as to get the appointment book out to schedule an appointment. She left me no other alternative.
....
The cardiologist said that she could not see his heart very well, so she could not tell us definitely that he was going to be ok, and she also said the there was a hole in his heart that should close and she could not tell us for sure it would. We left the office knowing absolutely nothing more than when we went in! However before leaving we were again offered information on the process of abortion!!
Though Stephanie's baby does indeed have medical problems, they are nowhere nearly as grave as the professionals kept telling her they would be. She treasures her son that so many people wanted her to abort.
Nancy: I went back July 7 and the "specialist" told me there were a number of things she saw wrong. .... She said that the baby had "severe chromosome abnormalities, incompatible with life" and that we should go to California immediately and abort the baby. .... She even offered to go before the Arizona Medical Board to get permission for a late term abortion (I was 26 weeks), but strongly urged us to terminate as soon as possible. ....
I went home devestated, in shock, and went on the internet to research the problems she had found. .... We returned for another checkup a week later to let her know what we were going to do, and we told her about what we had found. She said "You aren't looking at the Big Picture". .... She said I was "letting myself in for more pain" and that I should not wait any longer to have the abortion. She would not even talk about the alternate things we had found, and pressured us to "take care of the problem" immediately. ....
Well, a week later she called us with FISH results (preliminary to the amnio), to let us know that it was "worse" than she thought, and that she had never seen results like this before. She said she would go before the Board immediately to get permission for the abortion.
Nancy stood firm, and later delivered a premature but otherwise perfectly healthy baby.
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