NEW BRIGHTON, MN—Immediately following a physician's examination for her menstrual cessation, 37-year-old events planner Janice Crowley told reporters Tuesday that she is "ecstatic" with her diagnosis of a rapidly growing intrauterine parasite.
"I'm so happy!" Crowley said of the golf ball–sized, nutrient-sapping organism embedded deep in the wall of her uterus. "I was beginning to think this would never happen to me."
Note for the humor-impaired: The Onion does satire. They make fun of things. It's not a serious news story. Okay?
Here's another one: End-Life Crisis Marked By Extravagant Spending Spree
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