Monday, March 19, 2007

Ask Mr. Language Person

An oldie but goodie.

Some snippets:


Today, as is our wont, we begin with our first question:

Q. You have a wont?

A. Yes, but we comb our hair such that you cannot see it.


Q. I have trouble remembering the difference between the words "whose" and "who's." Should I put this in the form of a question?

A. In grammatical terminology, "who's" is an interlocutory contraption that is used to form the culinary indicative tense.

EXAMPLE: "You will never guess who's brassiere they found in the gumbo."


David Davidson sent an article from the Tybee News containing this statement about the mayor of Tybee Island, Ga.: "He also said an older woman suffered a broken hip when a dog pounced on her and read a long letter from someone supporting the dog ban."


Several readers sent in an article from the Richmond Times-Dispatch concerning a dump-truck driver who "dropped more than 59,000 pounds of processed human excrement on Interstate 295" and was charged with "failure to contain his load."

Sue Colson sent in a "Police Blotter" item from the Port Aransas (Texas) South Jetty, consisting entirely of this fascinating statement: "No goat was found in the trunk of a vehicle when an officer responded to a complaint on East Avenue G at about 1:20 p.m."

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